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Best self-parody EVAH!

Anyone listening to Rubio’s moving tale surely thought, “Yes! This is exactly what America is about!” But the stories were all we got. No Republican speakers offered any policies to renew upward mobility in the United States. In fact, nowhere did the Republicans acknowledge that upward mobility is now greater in many other countries with feudal or aristocratic histories.

No, you’re not reading that wrong. I too asked myself, “Did he just say what I think he said?” and had to read it over again just to be sure.

Yes, I have to admit, we evil conservatives only talk about people doing things for themselves and don’t ever do the hard work of proposing a new government program that could help someone help himself. How could I ever have expected someone to do anything without government unless I first proposed a government program that would help people do something without government?

But no, wait – I see it now, that wasn’t really my fault either. The problem in America today is that there’s nothing to prevent me from failing to see this in the first place.

Today, I propose a new cabinet-level department in Washington: the federal Department of Self-Governance. Since this job is so important, the president will head the department personally, and all the other cabinet secretaries will report to him.

It should only cost us another $10 trillion or so, and we can get all those rich people who make over $30k/year to pay for it.

Posted by Chris at 11:33am


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